A Blue Balloon for Walker

Walker's birthday is today, February 20th... and he's celebrating his 10th birthday in heaven.

In 2008, a few years before we moved to Chesapeake and met the Gorney family, Walker, their youngest son died after a rigorous five months of treatment fighting childhood cancer.  Since his passing, every year on this day, family and friends send balloons of blue, his favorite color up to heaven.  I've known him only in pictures and stories, but he is not a child I will soon forget.

Walker Gorney
February 20, 2004-April 11, 2008

We've known Charlie, Laura, and their other two children, Mason and Aliya for almost 4 years now.  Laura was a mother in my Chesapeake area MOPS group.  It turned out they were also our neighbors and lived just a few streets over.  Laura is an out-going person, and like me, very open about her life story.  Though I was new to the group, it wasn't long before we were sharing our tales of adoption and loss.  At the time, Laura and Charlie had just begun the process of adopting their little girl, Aliya, and it seemed we were placed in the same MOPS group together, along with another adoptive mother by more than just chance.  It was the same year our family was reunited with Zach; a time of great rejoicing and need of support for our family.  There was much love in this group of ladies- for each of us in our precise time of need.

I have heard other stories of families experiencing various degrees of loss, including of their children, but never known any of them quite as closely as we have the Gorneys.  Perhaps it was this, or that Christian was born just a few months before Walker.  Whatever the reason, I have always been deeply affected by their loss.  This year, however, it has been made more real to me than ever before- as much as it can be for anyone who has never lost a child.

At dinner this past Monday, I was telling Carlos that Walker's birthday was coming up and that Laura was participating for the second time with the 46 Mommas in their Shave for the Brave event to be held in Boston this July.  Our boys asked about Walker.  As the youngest, Adrian, of course had the most questions.  We explained as best we could, but when I told them Walker was only four when he died, Adrian immediately shouted, "He's my age!"

I hadn't even realized.

It took everything I had to hold back the tears.  To look into the face of Adrian and know Laura was forced to say goodbye to her son at his age is heart breaking.  And then to look at Christian and Julian and know she has missed seeing him grow through the ages of 7 and 10 is completely unfathomable.  I've watched the Gorneys make their journey along the never-ending path of healing and life on earth without Walker.  I've seen Laura struggle with feelings of life and loss that I can't possibly understand, nor could anyone who hasn't buried a child, and even in those struggles with anger and the deepest hurt imaginable, she wakes up every morning and presses on.  More than that, Laura and her entire family are in a constant and passionate pursuit to honor Walker by participating in organizations that support research and funding for childhood cancer.

There are many, many types of childhood cancer and the statistics are staggering.  These cancers claim the lives of more children than any other childhood disease, and worldwide, every three minutes another kid is diagnosed.  Most of the time, the cancer has already spread to other areas of the body by the time of diagnosis.  These are just a few of the facts that organizations like St. Baldrick's and Alex's Lemonade Stand are raising funds to fight, alongside the families, like the Gorneys, affected by all forms of childhood cancer.

Our family has chosen to support Charlie and Laura in their pursuit both financially and in prayer.  I hope you will consider doing the same in any capacity of which you are capable.  This week, in honor of their son, the Gorneys are matching all $10 donations to Laura's participation in Shave for the Brave.  I have included links below for further information about childhood cancer, a few of the organizations that support research efforts, and, of course the web pages that share the story of our dear friends, the Gorneys in their own words.

Today and always, we send our love to Walker in heaven and to Charlie, Laura, Mason, and Aliya in Chesapeake.

Links:
Support Laura Gorney's participation in the 46 Mommas Shave for the Brave
Support Walker's brother, Mason as a St. Baldrick's participant
Walker Gorney's story through CaringBridge
46 Mommas Shave for the Brave
Statistics from St. Baldrick's
Statistics from Alex's Lemonade Stand

Blue Balloons for Walker ~ Feb 20, 2014

Stepping Out in Faith

I'm thinking about doing something insane this next school year, and as with all leaps of faith, I'm pretty scared at the prospects of what I'm considering.

We have already decided to continue homeschooling with the Classical Conversations program.  We love the structure yet flexibility of both Foundations, the first level and Essentials, the second, and plan to continue through the Challenge A and B levels.  If you are considering homeschool as an option for your family, I highly recommend looking into Classical Conversations.

Here's where the crazy comes in.

The director of our area CC Foundations group is stepping down to start Challenge A for this same area.  Her youngest is aging out of Foundations and CC needs someone new to take over.  She approached me about the job, and I immediately said I wasn't interested... after politely giving her the most insane look possible.  Why would she even consider me?  We're fairly new to homeschooling, new to Classical Conversations, and new to Foundations- surely not qualified.  I was interested only in tutoring for the 2014-15 school year.

It came up in casual conversation over the last several weeks with a few of the other moms, all of whom paid me the great compliment of saying they thought I would be a wonderful addition as director.  Each encouraged me to at least consider the position.  Despite my attempts to remain reserved and low-key this year, these women saw something in me, and without even realizing it, I caught myself mulling it over as I washed dishes this weekend.  I set the glass in my hand down and gave Carlos a look of which I'm sure he is quite familiar.  It was my crazy-idea eyes; the same ones that led to MOPS leadership.  I think he laughed before I said anything at all.  His support is, of course crucial, and as always, God bless him, freely given.

This isn't the first time God has caught my attention just like this, in the everyday monotony, but I'm always surprised when He calls on me.  It often reminds me of Moses thinking Aaron would surely be better suited to saving God's chosen people from the grips of slavery.  He couldn't see past his own imperfections to imagine he could possibly be the one to do God's bidding.  I feel a little bit like that now.  It's terrifying.  I know I'm capable of fulfilling the obligations of director, but I'm worried I'm not up to it just yet.  Sometimes it feels so much easier just to be a member of the crowd rather than the one to step forward, but I suppose we rarely remain happy inside the comfort of our own little box for too long and I know for a fact we miss out on great blessings.

Admitting I'm interested is only the first step.  CC will have to approve, should I volunteer, followed by a great deal of training and prep.  This is a very big decision for us and one we will most certainly not take lightly.  Your prayers for clarity and sanity are greatly needed and appreciated as I make this decision with my family.

Winter Blues vs. Favorite Things

The winter has been hard and long this year.  My spirit is ready for spring, and so is just about everyone I know.  However, since "cold and dreary" has been thrust upon us yet again (though I have to admit I'm glad the white stuff was kind enough to stay away this round), I am composing a cheesy-yet-cheery list of my favorite things to shake the Winter Blues today.

1.  The little giggles of children.  First, because it is my favorite.  On a bad day, there is absolutely nothing that can make me smile like when my boys get tickled about something (or nothing at all, as is mostly the case with Julian) and giggle uncontrollably.  It is the purest sound of "happy" and should be listed in Roget's Thesaurus as a synonym for such.

2.  The company of friends & family.  My love language is "Quality Time," so no one should be surprised by my enjoyment of visiting with loved ones.  I would take a messy house and constant chaos over hours and hours of "me-time" any day.  What can I say?  I'm a people person.

3.  Music.  Do I really need to explain this one?  Music is magical, and therefore not something I could explain very well anyway.  I love all (well... most) music, from a little bird's song to the twang of Scott Avett's banjo.

4.  Foods that generally aren't considered healthy.  This one has been a blessing and a curse, as my waistline can attest.  Cupcakes, preferably red velvet immediately come to mind, as does Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream.  I'm also very fond of cheese and chocolate.  "May I have a helping of pure joy with a large side of calories and fat, please?"

5.  A good, sweaty workout.  Not something I can honestly say I've always appreciated, but after #4, I had to redeem myself!  My health and weight loss journey has been a long time in the making.  About 2 years ago, I weighed in over 200 lbs.  While I'm not yet to my goal weight, I have dropped more than 35 lbs. and I am far stronger physically than ever before.  I can tell you now- there is nothing quite like the feeling of muscles made of jello after a good, hard push-yourself in the gym!

6.  Accomplishments.  I am plagued by a terrible ritual of not finishing projects begun, and I'm sure I've referenced this nasty little habit before in my blog.  I fight very hard to overcome this almost daily, and I've learned to greatly appreciate the pride of accomplishing most any task.

7.  A good book & a comfy spot to read it.  My love of books truly began when I set forth to remedy the problem referenced in #6.  In desperation to finish anything, I made a rule- I would read a book and I would finish it.  It was simple and short-term... and I had to start somewhere.  That single accomplishment and the real-world-escape that book gave led me to another book, and then another, and voila!- a love of reading.

8.  The sound of water.  Raindrops falling.  Waves crashing.  Rivers and streams running.  Snow melting.  It would appear I just listed the tracks of a nature CD, I know, but I suppose they record it and sell it because others love it, too.

9.  The moon & stars.  A clear night in the middle of nowhere?  Yes, please!

10.  The perfect morning.  Coffee is most definitely involved here, and it hasn't gone unnoticed that a good day usually starts when I rise before the kiddos do.  It is, however, more about how I wake up as opposed to what happens when I do.  (Although, certain happenings can most definitely get me up on the right side of the bed, while others are sure to be the day's downfall. )

So there it is, ten of my favorite things.  It's no schnitzel with noodles, but I'm fairly certain Julie Andrews would be proud!