Under the Influence of Little Boy Humor

Double-take at Target yesterday... I was *certain* I saw "pillowFART" while making my way to the home goods department clearance end-cap.

Every little girl's dream bedding, right? 😂

Now, it would've been a down-right riotous scene, if I had been in the company of my boys. Or at least, there would've been a greater display of appreciation for the mistake.  As it was, the woman perusing the cozy Snuggies at the end of the aisle thought I was unquestionably insane based on the hysterical laughter coming from this solitary soul.  I may have even snorted.

Apparently, this is the result of spending the entirety of my days with three boys between the ages of six and twelve.

Southern Snow

Be gentle when teasing those of us south of the Mason-Dixon for our Chicken Little approach to snow!  Of course we close schools & shut down businesses for a couple of inches of the white stuff!  Obviously, the very mention of a blustery two foot accumulation will send us dashing to the store in a panic to strip its shelves bare of milk, bread, eggs, water... and wine.  Snow and icy covered roads strike tremendous fear into the darkest corners of our souls.

But do you understand why??

It’s true that winter storms occur infrequently in the southeastern states, but our reason for the tizzy is about much more than just not being accustomed to it. Cities, like Atlanta, are not equipped to handle a Snow-pocalypse, as we all witnessed last year, nor would it be in their best interest to prepare and budget yearly for a team of snow plows and the like for such weather!  The further south you go, the less likely it is that snow shovels, salt, or any other snow-battling weaponry will even be available to find at your friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart or Home Depot.  Why would they stock their shelves with such things in the unlikely event that a blizzard would strike that year?  Also, though I’m no engineer, I’d be willing to bet that the construction of the buildings and roads of our charming Southern townships considers warmer weather in its structure planning for safety rather than cold, possibly making them ill-suited for plunging temperatures and the destructive powers of ice.

Yes, we know you northerners laugh at us for having a slightly higher ambient temperature and an inability to drive in ice and snow.  Although, I must point out the false confidence in your own winter driving abilities often astounds me with its disastrous endings. Perhaps news coverage of such accidents is the source of our southern fear. In any case, we don’t mind being the butt of your jokes.  In fact, I always find a good little giggle in the sad truth of your winter memes.  

Just remember, when temperatures soar to the not-quite triple digits this summer and your area issues an extreme heat advisory, striking fear into your own hearts, the tables will turn and we will all have a good laugh on you.

What Kind of Cheeseburger Do You Want to Be?

Would you rather be a cheeseburger from Red Robin or McDonald's?

This may seem like a very silly question to you (unless you've recently participated in one of the many Buzz Feed quizzes currently circulating on Facebook), but it was in a moment of insane and sheer parenting desperation that I asked my son this very question.

We are coming off of a really tough couple of days.  There has been a lot of whining, fighting, and just plain ole grumpiness in our house this week.  Everything I have asked of my boys has been met with resistance and frustration.  Sadly, the bad attitudes haven't only belonged to my children either, and yesterday I reached my limit.  Each child took a turn throwing their own little fit…

And then it was my turn.

I try very hard not to yell at my kids.  I am no expert at parenting, but I have been doing it long enough to realize that irrationally screaming at them doesn't do any of us much good.  I learned this lesson years ago when I happened to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I was angrily shouting about the importance of obedience.  As you can imagine, the distorted fury on my face wasn't pretty.  It still happens more often than I'd care to admit, but I'm learning to at least recognize my limits.  Yesterday, as I crossed the border of rationality into insanity, I simply retreated to my room for a much needed "timeout."

Twenty minutes later, it was Christian who braved the uncertainty of Mom's mood and quietly came into my room, his face still stained with the tears from a battle over what little homeschool work he had been given that morning.

 At first, I didn't dare open my mouth.  I wasn't sure what he wanted or where it would go, but as he stepped closer to me with the clear intention of apologizing, I asked him, "What kind of cheeseburger would you rather be- one from Red Robin or one from McDonald's?"

I'm not really sure where it came from and I'm almost certain by the look on his face he was thinking, "That's it- call the looney bin!  She's lost her mind for sure this time," BUT I had his attention, and so I ran with it!

"Let me explain,"  I said.  "If we were going out to dinner and your choices were Mickey D's or Red Robin, which would you choose?"

"Red Robin," he answered.

"Why?"

"I like their food better."

"Me, too.  Red Robin's burgers are made of better beef, fresher ingredients, and served on a real plate.  They put more time and effort into creating their meals, don't they?  And they have better customer service, all making a visit to Red Robin more enjoyable and worth the higher price.

"THAT is what your father and I are trying to do with you.  If we invest in you by teaching you good manners, responsibility, independence, and we give you the opportunity for the best academic education possible, we're hoping you'll grow up to be… well… great cheeseburgers… or the best human beings you can be anyway."

He giggled, and with it came the very moment we needed to turn our day around.

I continued, "It's important though for you to invest in yourselves as well.  You have to want to be better burgers, and it isn't always easy.  It takes dedication in the pursuit of self-improvement.  That is why you're assigned the school work and chores you're given and why I expect you to do them with happy hearts.  They are meant to enrich your lives and make you better people.  Does that make sense to you?"

"Yes," he said without hesitation.

"So again I ask, what kind of burger do you want to be?"

"Definitely a Red Robin cheeseburger," he said with a grin stretching across his face.

"Good.  Now send Julian in here so he can understand the importance of being a good cheeseburger, too."

And with a hug, he gave another giggle as he ran off to find his brother.   As he did, I took one more moment to myself- but this time, it wasn't a "timeout."  It was more of a "holy-cow-that-just-happened."  I actually found a way, however off the wall, to explain to my boys that our expectations of them are not so we can call ourselves rulers of this little 3-man army we've made, but for their own health and well-being!

I'm not sure how long this light bulb will stay on.  It seems I've been repeating myself for years, and we've had so-called breakthrough moments before that have been shorter lived than I expected.  What I do know is I reached my kids better in that 5 minute conversation than I had in the few weeks leading up to it.  The rest of the evening went much smoother, too; school work that wasn't even assigned was completed, floors were swept and vacuumed without a word from me, and happily everyone's attitude was on the mend.  This morning I even awoke to Christian copying his charts for his Essentials class!  (If you knew how hard it was to get this kid to pick up a pencil, you would understand my elation in this gesture of his!)

So, now I am armed with the "Red Robin cheeseburger" weapon against defiance, and a once-again renewed perspective on parenting.  Discipline of all sorts will always be in my armory, but I won't forget that creative parenting strategies often throw their game off just enough to cross the great divide between parent and child, and truly move mountains.

Boys Are Too Funny (and Gross)

I have to warn you, this story falls under the TMI category, but it was too funny not to share. :o)

Just moments ago, Juju told me with the most serious of faces, "Mommy, I didn't know butts could make colors!"

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, because I truly had no idea what he meant. In my best Mommy's-trying-to-be-calm voice with every worst case scenario running through my mind I asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, I just went poo and it was green... really green!"

I know this may sound strange to anyone without children, but hearing "green poo" was best case scenario here. I was sure he meant something far worse involving tushies and paints and, more than likely carpets or walls. You just never know with the frat boys I have running around this house!

So, after I had a good laugh, I reminded him he had had a blue raspberry Italian Ice at a Hunt Club birthday party yesterday. Naturally, (maybe "unnaturally" would be more appropriate here) the massive amounts of blue dye in any frozen treat will, as we've experienced so often in the past, turn poo green. You'd think they could just add the flavoring! But, what fun would it be if your customers didn't experience the Smurf faces, hours of soaking laundry, and, of course, the green poo?

A little side note here- CJ bought two Italian Ices that day. In addition to the bright blue raspberry for Juju, he allowed Coco to get the really red cherry despite the other color/flavor combos being a colorless lemon and a dull orange colored mango. I'm all for fun, but I shamelessly (and for selfish reasons) encourage the low dye flavors. Can you tell who does the laundry and wipes the butts in our home?

Anyway, that's my little ditty for the day.

TGIF

Due to a bit of writer's block, I've been unable to blog about a few things I've been thinking about lately, so I've decided to take a different approach to it. Today, I'm just adding a few random blurbs in Twitter-like fashion (only without character limits) to share our Friday with you.

5:40 a.m. Addie is awake (for the 3rd time). No one else is.

5:41 a.m. Everyone is awake... and wishing baby teeth would just come in already!

5:42 a.m. My determination to make the morning go smoothly despite a rough start kicks into overdrive.

7:11 a.m. Walk Coco to the bus stop. Last day of the first week of school. *Sigh!* Momma's finally not feeling so crazy now that (the 2 biggest of) my little boogers have something to do during the day.

7:36 a.m. Bought a new kitchen gadget last week and it's getting its daily workout. I heart smoothies!

7:38 a.m. This Weight Watcher thing's not so bad. Too bad I didn't stick with it through the move; I might've been 15 lbs lighter already! Oh well,... you have to [re]start somewhere. Carpe diem, right?

8:00 a.m. Just have to post a status update to my Alabama Facebook friends about how wonderful our weather is here. Currently 62 with a high today of 80. *Another sigh!* I think we'll visit the zoo today!

8:51 a.m. Four jealous FB friends have posted comments! :o) I'm expecting a few more before the end of the day.

9:00 a.m. Addie (unwillingly) goes down for a nap. Got to get ready while I can,... and watch a little 7th Heaven. I know, but I'm a sucker for sappy family TV. Thank you, WGN for the Camden family reruns!

10:20 a.m Juju's a happy camper- Preschool's only 3 half-days a week, leaving 2 to spend with Momma & Addie. It's the best of both worlds! Momma's a happy camper- no midday Preschool pick up on Fridays (or Mondays). To the zoo we go!

11:01 a.m. Lunch in the Okavango Delta. Weight Watcher challenge #1- find something on the menu to eat that doesn't "cost" 100 points. Grilled chicken sandwich (plain) sounds OK, but how does it taste? Turns out, pretty good! Chicken nuggets & fries for the picky 4 year old.

11:26 a.m. Laugh at the momma giraffe for eating off the ground when there's a full feeding post right next to her.

11:39 a.m. Laugh at the elephant for throwing dust all over herself and then laugh again when it blows into us.

12:34 p.m. Laugh at the goose wandering around the zoo, as if taunting the captive animals.

12:42 p.m. Laugh at the turkey while running from him!

1:00 p.m. Laugh at the Squirrel Monkeys laughing at Juju.

1:11 p.m. Laugh at myself for leaving Juju on the 6' Tortoise statue as I head for the gates.

1:12 p.m. CJ calls as we walk to the car. He's on his way home, too! My Coastie has an awesome work schedule!

2:45 p.m. Coco jumps off the bus and runs at me, arms open wide. "Mommy, I missed you!" [insert tearfully happy emoticon here.] Hoping Juju doesn't spill the beans about our zoo trip just yet.

3:39 p.m. Addie's down for Nap, Round 2, CJ is taking his Friday afternoon snooze, and the big boys are watching PBS Kids. *Yet another sigh!*

5:04 p.m. Hunger is taking over and I've got WW points to spend! Buffalo Wild Wings isn't exactly Weight Watcher friendly, but I have 21 points to spend!

5:21 p.m. Mmmmmm! (Sorry, my mouth's full!)

6:00 p.m. Full bellies. We're walking it off at Target then heading home for a few snuggles before bedtime. It's the highlight of my day.

8:30 p.m. Tuck my babies into bed! "I love you to the moon & back!" to which they respond, "I love you to the moon in the front!" The way children think always makes me smile. :o)

8:30 p.m. + 30 seconds My babies are sound asleep! First week of school has been exhausting!

8:31 p.m. An important time of night- enjoying the company of my husband. Getting and giving undivided attention. (Well, sometimes I compete with the TV!)

10:00 p.m. Thank You, Lord for peaceful, happy, beautiful Fridays and the wonderful family You've given me to spend them with!

(And thank you for sharing it with me!)

Saturday

This morning started with a tummy ache. I knew something wasn't right when the child cuddling in bed with me was Juju. Sleeping in with Mommy and Papi is generally no match for Saturday morning cartoons, and though the TV was on and calling, there he snuggled. I remember thinking just how nice it was to have my middle baby there in the middle of CJ and I,...

and then he started squirming in discomfort. "You're not feeling well, are you, Baby? Does your tummy..." and before I could finish my question, BLEH... the puking began.

Now, normally, I'm quite nurturing; I am a mommy afterall, but my first thought was containment. How do I prevent the rest of the family, especially little Addie, from catching what could be the dreaded stomach bug? Shame on me, I know. If I wouldn't give my child a hug after vomitting, no one would, right? After comforting him and reassuring him that my love was unconditional (meaning "even with chunks in my hair and down my shirt"), I changed our sheets, kicking a very sleepy Papi out of bed and doused the room in Lysol.

CJ and I decided it best for one of us to take the other two kids out for the day, and given the choice, Juju wanted his Papi, so I packed up the baby and Coco and out we went. Coco and I rarely have time to spend together since he started school, and though shopping isn't exactly his idea of a good time, he was happy to get some "mommy time." A Roly Poly lunch and a "treasure hunt" at Hudson's later, I called CJ and he said Juju had eaten several hours before and was feeling 100%. Bullet dodged. Still, we kept all of them from the party they were to attend, and Juju will miss church tomorrow, just as a precaution. Hubby will be homebound again; I have rotation in the nursery.

What started out as a highly questionable day turned into a sigh of relief and some good quality time with the oldest, most neglected son... Thank goodness!